-Okay, sir, here we are.
-Wait a minute. -Where’s the sliders?
-There are no sliders, sir. We are not at a
chain restaurant. -We are at a psychologist’s
office. -What?! -Yes, sir. Sir, no.
-No way. No, no. -Sir, sit down. Listen.
-Mike. -Sit down, Mike, sit down.
-Okay, okay. Sir, people are saying you are
mentally unfit for the office, and we both know
that’s not true. I’m incredibly mentally fit. My doctor said
I had the most neurons of any person he had ever met. -I wish I had as many neurons.
-So many neurons. -You know, you can talk about
yourself the entire time. -Whoa. -I can talk about myself?
-Yeah. Yeah, you talk about yourself. I’m totally sane, and I’m the
president of the United States. Mr. Trump, I feel I need to
disclose to you that I’m the founder
of an organization called Duty to Warn. -I don’t care.
-Well, I think you should know that our association
advocates your removal under the 25th amendment because we believe you’re not
psychologically fit. Wrong, totally wrong. You make a lot of grandiose and
paranoid-sounding statements, -like you had the biggest
inauguration crowd. -Oh, yeah. And that Barack Obama
bugged your offices. He’s spying on everybody. So here’s my question: do you really believe
those things you say? No. Yes. Did I get it right? It seems like you have an
unusual need for approval. People must see Trump everywhere because I grew up in Queens, and then we went into Manhattan. Everyone else in Manhattan
was rich,and they went to the parties.They went to Studio 54,and they did coke off of
Twiggy’s asshole.
I didn’t get to do any of that. I had to go to Studio 54
and stand in line. One time, I met Andy Warholand I thought that he was just
a sheep skin rug.
I was always left out.A doughy boy from Queens,with big, juicy, kissy-lips. Well, I’m glad you can own some
of that insecurity. Is it okay
that I’ve been farting in the sofa the whole time? -That’s okay, let’s move on.
-Yeah. Tell me a little
about your mother. Mommy had the best hair,
toughest hair.You could throw a rock at it,
it would bounce right off.
She was a tough woman.
Very tough.
But what are we doing when
we’re hiding from Mommy? You know, when Mom’s
out of the keefu,and I’m around the corner
trying to get my pug yanked
by whatever girl I went to
school with in some alley,
and then you come home and you
see Mommy and you go,
“I did a dirty thing
and Mommy can’t know.”
And I control Mommy then. It does seem like control
is a large part of this. I’m not gonna change,
I’ll say that. That might be part
of the problem. I’m a tough guy. And my father was a tough guy. Yeah, tell me more about that. The guy was so tough,
he used to say, “You got to be a killer.In order to be king,
you got to be a killer.
You got to be be a king.
You got to be a killer.
You got to be the king.
You got to be the killer.
Got to be the king.I know, Daddy.
I know, Daddy. I know I need to. The killer. (echoing):
The killer. (groaning) (echoing):
What’s wrong with you? I felt something. Mr. Trump, where did you just go
just now? My dad was saying
I’m the killer and the king. And then I pinched myself
to feel pain. Look, Mr. Trump, I really need to confront you
with a few things. I don’t see that you really have
control over your impulses. Wrong. I think you suffer from three
serious personality disorders. -Narcissistic.
-Who, me? -Antisocial.
-Shut up. -And paranoid.
-Who told you? And to make matters worse,
I think you have grandiose and persecutory delusions. Are you saying that my behavior is out of my own control because I’m so divorced -from my own personality?
-Exactly. So that means I’m not
responsible for what I do? -No, that’s not what I’m saying.
-Wow! Thanks, Doc. That’s perfect diagnosis. Check’ll be in the mail.
Yeah, right. Mike, I’m crazy. -I’m not responsible, Mike.
-For what? -What are you talking about?
-Mike, I’m not responsible! -Oh!
-I’m not responsible, Mike. It’s not my fault.
I’m just crazy. -It’s not my fault.
I’m nuts! -PENCE: Come back. -I’m not responsible
for what I do. -Sir. Sir. -Sir. Sir, please… -This lady,
give me your groceries. -No, sir, please don’t. No, no.
-Give me your groceries. I’m nuts, I’m crazy,
I don’t care. -Kid, give me your little bunny.
-(shrieks) Give me that bunny.
Child care. Child, I don’t give a shit! Goddamn bunny. Hey, lady, nice purse. Yeah, give me your purse,
give me your purse. -Give me your purse.
-Sir. Sir, no, please. -Here you go.
-I lost my mind! Wow, I’m crazy!
I love it. Whoa, wait a minute. -He’s got a gun!
-I’m crazy! I’m crazy! I’m crazy!(gunshot)