Would you like to be able to eat your favorite foods and still lose weight? Well, if you buy my pattented diet program membership or diet app or pre-packeged diet food thing or whatever diety diet diet stuff I ‘ll tell you that you can and you ‘ll believe me. Hi, I’ m Roger and you ‘re going to pay me to help you lose body mass for a brief period of time in an unhealthy way just to gain it all back and then you ‘ll pay me to do it again! Don’t believe me? Talk to our celebrity spokesperson from a TV show that was big in the 90’s. She was once an icon but society doesn’t embrace ageing so now her job is to get smaller in size, right? Hi! I was a famous person in the past and now I get paid $33,000 per pound I lose to say things like “I love and use this product” I LOVE AND USE THIS PRODUCT! Hmm! Chemicals! Wonderful. Just wonderful! You see, the average celebrity who we hire to lose weight with our programm makes between 500,000 and 3 million dollars for depleting fat using our programm. What a great gig! Next fast food companies will glom on to whatever new eating habits we’ re selling to you. Gluten-free , low carb, you name it! Like this average Joe, who only ate sandwiches for three years. Fast food will claim to be on board the diet train thanks to him It wasn’t that product that made him too small to fit into his pants. He just stop eating unhealthy amounts of food. Τechnically, you can stuff any amount of edible items into your talkhole as long as you limit it. But it won’t make you healthy. and the sandwich company doesn’t care. They ‘ll market the crap out of his shrinkage unless he reveals he ‘s a skeezebag. Then they ‘ll drop him faster than you can say “It’s not healthy to lose that amount of weight that quickly just by eating sandwiches.” Anyway, beat it monster. But if these celebs and average Joes don’t do it for you we ‘ll just shame you, shame you for ingesting anything it’s outside of our program. Because that’s being bad, naughty, or unhealthy But if you eat my fat-free sugary chocolate-covered stale puffed rice snack bar then we’ll applaud you. In fact, our entire program will be designed like a video game, where you get badges and reward points for getting in shape. We ‘ll even make apps where we’ll track your steps exerecises, everything you eat , your location, you know, like a super creepy Big Brother-type thing And we ‘ll make you think you can exercise away that late night cupcake you crushed inside your saliva maker last night, because my carbage puffed bar made you crave sugar. But you cannot jazzercise that cupcake , -which is fine for us- because we have a badge for that too. Look at that neat badge, it’s distracthing and fun, because if didn’t give you some
sort of cutesy badge or virtual high-five you ‘d get bored and defeated. And we don’t want you bored and defeated, we want you to keep giving us money forever, as your body shape morphs back and forth. By the way,the rice puffed bar is now unhealthy but try our new, gluten-free full-fat
paleo square of crusty meat. See how we keep changing
what’s considered good for you? That’s how we get it because a hundred and eight million people are dieting just in the US, and they try and fail, and try and fail four or five times a year. Then if you do lose weight 95% of you will gain it back within 3 years. We deliberately design our program for failure. However, if you earn that weight back it’s YOU who failed, not our program, never our program. You ‘re a failure because you can’t maintain an unrealistic masticating and exercise pattern for the rest of the time you spend breathing. Oops! Looks like paleo bars aren’t good any more Now you should buy my liquid diet, you ‘ll literally piss out your poop hole All because your body is freaking out and doesn’t know what to do. It’s going into starvation mode since you keep switching unheathy diet to unhealthy diet making it harder for you to lose weight Your body is just trying to keep you from starving, but we helped you develop a complex about feeding yourself. It’s something you have to do or you’ll die. And I sell you strategies and products that make it seem legitimate to starve yourself on and off but if you really wanted to get healthy you ‘d just eat moderately and exercise moderately and accept that your body will never be what you deem as perfect. But we’ ll never tell you that. Come on, go ahead and eat my grain-free vegan paleo
allergen-free raw non-solid bar it’s $25 and I guarantee you’ll lose weigth eating it.